“In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting–any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”
– C.S. Lewis
It’s time for a break. There isn’t a glamorous way to announce this or a way to sugar coat that my mind is not in the place to write and share with you all. At the core of it, I am battling my own flesh. I am battling this idea of significance and finding that my righteousness has been built upon being a slave to busyness, my appearances, my seeking after affirmation from the various hats I may wear.
There is this tension between wanting to push through this internal angst and showcase some sort of the Lord’s redemptive powers, but I don’t feel called to put on any face for you as a reader while I process this. I need a refocusing period, a time of revision as I figure out what it looks like to glorify the Lord through this forum. I need to evaluate who Katie is sans Lady K, as I have found the two have become entangled.
One of the most challenging parts of sharing with you all is that I am admitting my mess and making mistakes to a broad audience, so people decide what they want to see of me. I, just like many of you, am guilty of formulating whom I want to see in someone else without even taking the chance to get to know his or her heart. I am not Lady K. I am Katie Knell. Lady K is an extension of what I consider my calling through Christ that HIS name may be known— neither my identity nor my tagline.
I challenge you all, in this season of processing, to really affirm who you are in Christ, because I’m having to draw back to the Word, as He shares his love for me, for us, chapter after chapter. His living, true Word shares the goodness of the Gospel, yet it is something that I fail to seek because I want the instant gratification of an Instagram “like” or a pat on the back for the work I may do.
It’s time to get beyond myself and realign as the Lord’s glory is being tainted. While this is always going to be an issue, seeing as we are a sinful mankind, I’m not promising perfectionism. I am in need of grace as I seek a new focus through rest and refreshment by time with the Lord. I pray that you can respect this decision and I am humbly asking for prayer as we all rejuvenate in the truth of who we are as His beloved.
By this point, you may be tired of hearing how humbling it is to be photographed by some of the most incredibly talented creatives my little world has seen, but by His grace, I never fail to sit in awe, as the Lord seeks to rejuvenate my spirit in forming the most unexpected of community.
It was almost a year ago this spring that Stefanie reached out to me blindly via Facebook. It is comical to see as we communicate with others thinking that they will find us strange or too bold in connecting when in reality it is the greatest joy for us to relate to one another and to encourage when seasons are dry. Stefanie’s timing, or more so the Lord’s sovereignty, is a gift I don’t deserve.
Tomorrow, I make the trek into a season of lasts. Tomorrow, I taste and experience a season like I never have before. I no longer, as if I even did before, control what comes next, flooded by a world of unknowns. Yet, He is faithful to reveal that there is more.
With the new year in full swing, I entered into panic mode to try and formulate some sort of list of resolutions. Yet, I came up with nothing and began to question the value of this upcoming season if I didn’t have set in stone standards for my year. (The key faulty phrase here is “if I didn’t have set in stone standards for my year”.)
Then, She Reads Truth happened.
Oh my goodness, people, I am finally back in action and ready to finish 2014 strong! Exams are always a kicker and somewhat of a con in being a student blogger, but I am always up for a good challenge! Of course, I give to you an all black outfit, because I’m always vibing with this color palette — it’s easy, versatile, and though the pieces may be inexpensive, you look so luxurious.
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